Like the pimple that pops up the night of the prom, I knew the unthinkable might happen but I hoped it never would. The pimple erupted, however. One of my books got a crummy review.
Here’s what somebody who fancifully calls himself “Seadog” wrote on my Amazon page about my book, Fat Guy in a Fat Boat . . .
This very slim volume is not a book really but an essay or a pamphlet. The author has not learned his nautical terminology very well, and offers very little in the way of instruction or inspiration. His oft professed love of being on the water, seems exaggerated because he doesn't spend whole lot of time on it. Yaremko doesn't know much about sailing or catboats, deficiencies which he details comvincingly.
C.W. Gortner, who makes his living writing historical novels, says:
Even a bad review is still a review. It means someone cared enough to take the time to say: ‘Hey, this sucks.’
Well, here’s what I have to say to Mr. Seadog about HIS writing:
- One is either “slim” or not. “Very slim” is “skinny.”
- “. . . not a book really but . . .” You needed punctuation to clarify this phrase, but you didn't know how, did you?
- You don't cite even one example of my nautical terminology being in error.
- “Very little in the way of instruction?” With a title like Fat Guy in a Fat Boat, you expected a textbook?
- “Oft professed” must be hyphenated.
- “…doesn’t spend whole lot of time …” You left out a word.
- “Comvincingly” is misspelled.
- “Yaremko doesn’t know much …” THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT!!!
I have to stop. I’m starting to sound like Marco Rubio making fun of Trump tweets.
Stephen King, whose novels have made him a millionaire many times over, wrote a memoir on writing in which he said:
You can’t please all of the readers all of the time; you can’t please even some of the readers all of the time, but you really ought to try to please at least some of the readers some of the time.
And I did. Other readers of Fat Guy in a Fat Boat thought that for eight bucks you can’t go wrong buying the book (six bucks for the Kindle download). They posted five-star reviews:
“. . . a wonderful journey about learning to sail.”
“. . . great book with a great lesson.”
“. . . funny and highly entertaining.”
People who do not write for a living do not understand why we writers drink so much, run with wolfish women and die before our time.
Lawrence Kasdan, who delivered much of the Star Wars scripting, once compared the writing profession to “having homework every night for the rest of your life.”
Leave it to good old Ernest Hemingway to provide me with a soothing, at-the-end-of-the-day balm—one that won’t induce a hangover. He said:
We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.
If you’d like to read the book and decide for yourself, order Fat Guy in a Fat Boat in print or Kindle from Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Guy-Boat-Peter-Yaremko/dp/0990905012/